Title: All Dolled Up: The Rich Using Others to Do Their Bidding
Intro: Have you ever had a job you hated? Have you ever been at that job and your boss keeps making you do things you do not know how to do and you are not getting payed nearly enough? That is the life of a person who is a victim of human trafficking. Human trafficking is the illegal trade of human beings mainly for the purposes of commercial sexual exploitation or forced labor.
I get what you are saying, but it sounds like you are saying a normal job is the same as human trafficking. Changing your third sentence to make it a bit more clear would help. I like the title.
ReplyDeleteYea I'm probably gonna try and work on a better analogy or clearing this one up a bit.
ReplyDeleteVery good Title and intro...questions keep me engaged in paper.
ReplyDeleteand I agree with Grady!
ReplyDeleteThanks I tried to use what she said in the email but I think it could definitely worded better.
ReplyDeleteThe question rout is always a good way to go. I feel like your introduction could be a little longer. It may not fully capture the readers attention and could cause people to loose interest into the next portion of your paper
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to think of a way to expand on the intro without using a true real world connection.
ReplyDeleteGood starting point for your title, maybe tweak it a little bit, make it flow more smoothly.
ReplyDeleteJust need to include the title of the show in italics!
ReplyDeleteI will include it somehow.
ReplyDelete